Friend letdown

SO I have a dilemma. I wish I could make a BFF that stuck.Seriously I have already ended various BFF situations and it is horrendous. It makes me think, what the heck is wrong with me. Sigh. So the gal that is to be my roommate for the upcoming semester, is supposed to be one of my closer pals at school. But for my birthday that was at the beginning of June, I invited her to celebrate with me and a few other pals. And she told me that she had made other plans with other friends that she hadn't seen in like a year or two. And i understand that that is important, but I can't believe she scheduled it on my birthday weekend. I mean I didn't tell her beforehand that I was planning something then because I hadn't even thought of anything yet, but I assumed she would have left that weekend empty if she knew it was my birthday. The sad thing is what if she didn't?

But when I asked her she just pretty much immediately said that she couldn't make it because she had already made plans. I mean if I had just planned a hangout with pals I would have rescheduled it and have made the effort to go. But she didn't even do that. It was so black and white for her. She had plans already so she couldn't obviously change them and she didn't even try to move things around. I would have at least tried to do that. And fine if she really couldn't have made it, I kind of expected her to at least say on my birthday, "Hey I'll give you your present and card next time I see you!" Is that selfish and unreasonable? I know these things aren't about the gifts and such. But I gave her a gift, card, and handwritten note and tried to make her bday as special for her. And a lot of us helped celebrate her bday when we were at school and even people she just met got her a gift. So excuse me for feeling hurt. I have had many a bad birthdays. And have come to expect very little from them. I always have this little flame of hope that get smaller ever year. I wanted to at least see that effort from her but all I got was a Happy birthday (smiley face) text. SO I felt  hurt, like that's all? Maybe I'm being a big diva about it, but we are supposedly close and going to be roommates.

I finally confronted her via text after some prodding from my siblings. And it did not end well. She made a lot of lame and weak excuses. And she said something along the lines that if this affects our friendship i respect that, Seriously???? It's not like that was my intention, I just wanted her to know how she had hurt me. If I didn't tell her it would bother me forever as it had for the past few weeks. And it would affect the way I treated her. And I feel like the things she says makes me feel like I'm the bad guy not that I'm saying she is one. But I wanted her to acknowledge how I felt. But I don't think we are that close because I was scared to confront her because i knew how she would react and she would take everything badly. She has messed up logic no offense. Ex: We and some other pals were putting our things in storage for the summer and we lived in different dorms, so i offered to help her move her things along with the other gals expecting the same would be done vice versa. Because it would be faster, duh right? Apparently not because she said it would be better for us to do it separately because it would be too chaotic. Wah? But I went to help nethertheless and that was only when she acknowledged I was right, that helping each other was better.

So our friendship is strained and I'm sad. Sigh. My sister made this BFF who is awesome and they talk everyday even in the summer. And I want to make a friend like that. Who I'm not scared to confront because I'm scared I'll get a really bad reaction or something like that. i don't really know how the living situation will be but I haven't told her I'm planning on transferring, If I can get in that is. I don't want to tell her until i get in. I'm planning to transfer by spring. So if i tell her I don't think it will go over well. But now I REALLY WANT TO TRANSFER.

And there goes another friendship. Man, I believe something must be wrong with me. Or do I have too many expectations of what friends should do for each other. I really don't know.. But I needed to vent somehow. Sigh.